It’s not uncommon to have people who are pushy or bossy in our acquaintance. These people come across as being highly insensitive to our personal space, and sensitivities, and seem to impinge upon our independence.
You may have a bossy father, mother, brother, sister, spouse, neighbor or a friend. It doesn’t matter what role these people play in your life, their attitude will cause you to feel insulted, humiliated, patronized, resentful or upset.
Bossy people are not necessarily “ill intentioned”, but they tend to impose their will and intent upon others, thus impinging on their space and freedom. So how do we deal with these people? How do we tell them that their behavior is not okay and that they need to stop? That’s exactly what I have tried to cover in this article.
Tips for Dealing with Bossy People
I have had a fair share of bossy people in my life and the following pointers have helped me deal with them in the best way possible. Hopefully, they will help you too.
1. Stay in Touch with Your Inner Guidance
When you are under the influence of bossy people, they can easily get you to do things that don’t feel good to you.
It’s not uncommon for bossy people to use threat, anger, argument and emotional pressure, to get you to do their bidding. If you are not in touch with your own inner guidance, you will fall a victim to their pressure.
No matter how much someone tries to impinge on your freedom, it’s possible for you to stand your ground when you feel confident of your own guidance. When you are not sure of what’s right or wrong for you, it’s easy to be influenced by external pressure.
Meditation is a great way to get in touch with your inner guidance.
2. Don’t Live in Fear of a Bossy Person
The weapon which most bossy people wield to get their bidding done is ‘fear’.
They may use their influence to instill fear in you to get you to abide by their conditions. It’s common to see some parents using the fear of punishment to get their children to do their bidding.
If you really want to be free of the influence of a bossy person, you will have to consciously stop being taken in by ‘fear’ created by their force.
It’s possible to overcome any fear by staying alert and aware whenever fearful emotions try to take over.
Fear will not have power over you if you don’t fear the fear, but stay absolutely rooted in your awareness of it.
Here’s a simple exercise you can do: Sit in a quite room and think about this person. Allow all the fear and anger to arise. Now, instead of getting lost in the fear, become consciously aware of the energy behind the fear. In other words, ‘feel’ your fear. Remember, the keyword here is ‘to feel’. As you feel these energies, they slowly start loosing their hold on you.
3. Put Your Freedom Above Everything Else
When you feel victimized by people who are bossy around you, it’s simply a reaction of your being to the loss of freedom that you feel within.
Only you have the power to reclaim your freedom, and stay free, no-one else can really help you with this. You will always be free of victimizing influences, if you place your freedom above everything.
When freedom is your priority, everything else somehow just comes back into harmony on its own. Remember that a bossy person cannot really take your freedom away from you unless you give him/her the permission to do so. Put freedom above money, relationship and other forms of “pseudo” security that your mind may be seeking.
When you feel free within, your external reality will automatically attract benevolent factors into your existence.
4. Be Willing to Speak up Your Stand
It’s necessary to make your stand clear, and speak up for yourself, when someone is trying to boss around with you. Let them know that you will not stand such behavior.
Don’t get reactive or emotional, but speak from a space of calm presence.
Don’t try to put the other person down, but just make your stand clear, letting them know what you prefer and what your requirements are. Don’t be intimidated by their reaction, just stay calm and composed, rooted in your stand.
5. Limit your time with and proximity to them
Bossy people can drain your energy. If you spend time around such a person, you likely feel exhausted when they leave – and as such, it’s okay to limit the amount of time you spend with them.
If a person leaves you feeling worn out after you see them, you don’t have to go to their house. You don’t have to invite them over. You don’t have to stay on the phone with them for hours.
This also applies to physical touch. Whether you realize it or not, we exchange energy when we touch another person. Remind yourself that it’s okay to physically distance yourself from this person too; stay away from hugging and sitting close to that person if you can help it!
6. Learn to calm your nervous system
Manipulative people thrive on seeing you get frazzled. This is exactly why we feel exhausted after spending time with them.
As a result, your nervous system will be on high-alert when you’re around these people. You may notice that your heart races, your palms sweat, or your breath quickens. One way to combat this stress response is to practice nervous system relaxation, both in the moment, and also before and after spending time with a bossy person.
There are several ways to practice nervous system relaxation. Here are a few ideas:
- Take a few slow, deep breaths while being conscious. This can be done at any time, including during your interaction with this person.
- Become conscious of the emotions in your body. Admit to yourself that you are feeling angry or fearful. When you label your emotions this way, you reduce their power over you.
- Can your focus from fearful thoughts to empowering/positive thoughts.
- Repeat a positive mantra. This could be any simple mantra like, ‘I am Powerful‘, ‘I am in control‘, ‘I am confident‘. As you repeat this mantra in your mind, shift your focus to this mantra.
- Practice shame resilience (we will discuss this later in this article).
7. Self-soothe
This follows from the pointer above; after an interaction with a manipulative person, you may feel emotionally unsafe. Therefore, it’s important to bring yourself back to feeling safe in your own body afterwards, so that you can handle any situation with that person with empowerment, rather than fear.
In order to return to a feeling of safety, you might try some self-soothing techniques, such as:
- Hugging yourself or holding your own hand.
- Taking a warm bath.
- Drinking hot tea.
- Wrapping yourself in a blanket.
- Spend time in nature.
- Use essential oils to sooth your system.
8. Practice shame resilience
Master manipulators love to use shame to push people around. They know exactly how much shame hurts, and how easy it is to get somebody to do what they want when they’re feeling ashamed.
If you find yourself nodding your head right now, you need to practice shame resilience. Don’t let this person’s tactics fool you; you actually have nothing to be ashamed of, they are just trying to bend you to their will.
In order to practice shame resilience, you need to know what shame feels like in your body and mind. When you notice you’re feeling ashamed, think to yourself: “I’m having a shame response.” This simple mindfulness trick allows you to step back from our feelings and notice them for what they are, before getting swept up in a whirlwind of pain.
Then, remind yourself that you have nothing to be ashamed of. If you’re dealing with a bossy person, they’re likely only trying to coerce you into doing something you don’t want to do. You have done nothing wrong, and you have nothing to be ashamed of.
9. Acknowledge that you may feel remorseful after setting a boundary or limiting time with this person
You may not feel one hundred percent better after setting a boundary or limiting time with a bossy person– and that’s okay. In fact, you may feel bad. You may experience thoughts such as “I’m a bad person” or “I’ve done something wrong”.
In addition, you may even experience the manipulative person throwing more shame and manipulation your way; this is to be expected, and it is not an indicator that you’ve made the
wrong choice.
Acknowledge your remorse, but don’t shame yourself. By asserting your boundaries, you are not doing anything wrong. You are practicing self-care, and that does not make you a bad person.
10. If possible, remove yourself if the situation becomes toxic
you may need to consider cutting this person out of your life completely, if possible. Is the person displaying toxic behaviors? Do they not seem to understand or respect the word “no”? Do you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around them? Again, do you feel ashamed of yourself around them? Do they try to control your life or your behavior?
If so, you may be in a toxic relationship. Begin taking steps to remove this person from your life– but remember the above pointer. Manipulative people may try to make you feel terrible for leaving or setting boundaries with them, so be prepared, and remember that you have nothing to be ashamed of.
11. Choose freedom over security
Finally, realize that life is not a “do or die” reality. There is nothing that you “have” to or “need” to do. There are no limitations except the ones that you impose upon yourself. Life is always free and it does not impose any restrictions on your freedom.
The only restriction that lies in your life comes from your own mind. The reason you give in to bossy people is because you feel that you “have” to do their bidding in order to have a secure life.
In truth, there is no security in bondage, and though freedom may seem like an uncertain, and may be insecure, arena to the mind, the opposite is actually the case. When you choose freedom over security, it turns out that security emerges from this choice, quite automatically.
To sum it up
In order to deal with bossy people you need to overcome your fear and insecurity, and find security in your inner guidance. The mind is fearful but your heart always knows the right path to take.
Listen to your heart and train your mind to stand up for what your heart feels is true. True freedom arises when you always make the choice to follow your heart over the fears created by the mind.
